CAUTION: the following entry is neither politically correct, nor free of swearing; reader discretion is advised, as it is not suitable for children, hypersensitive people and / or any developer wannabes!

I’m a developer, i know it’s your fault!

Now, i’m neither a programmer, nor a graphic designer; in the past i’d be called a developer, but considering who’s calling himself a dev these days, i’d burn with shame using this “title”. In my work i’m responsible for getting the job done, regardless of wether it’s putting a wordpress theme together, or buying smokes at 3AM in the middle of nowhere. Because of that, considering the ammount of tasks, i’ve decided to switch from free frameworks to the “premium” ones – at least i’ll get the exact features i need in a project done in five minutes instead of taking three weeks to write the whole thing by myself. Anyway, since they always come with a support forum board, i thought there’s nothing bad in a brief walk through some of the threads – after all, some dev could’ve posted a solution to some issue i might encounter in the future… Jesus Bloody Christ, was i wrong!

How do I set a link to an area within the same page?

Well fuck me, Freddy, what an unusual issue! That’s basic HTML knowledge, for crying out loud! It can be found on the very bloody first page of google, yet the chap asks on a theme’s support board ’bout it!? What a… @#$@! Decided to look into another thread, since it had quite a lot responses – perhaps the previous thread was just a coincidence, perhaps it was something opposite to beginner’s luck that threw me in there. Let’s see, what have we got there?

I get a bunch of text which is not even on a page

Well well well, this might be interesting. What will it be: faulty/corrupted DB, php making a double loop out of nowhere, site inherited from another developer? Will i be able to figure out what’s the issue connected to before anyone else will (don’t you bloody judge me, even a blindman happens to avoid stepping in dog shit)?

I am not a programmer though

Well, shit… Okay, screw it, one doesn’t exactly need to be a programmer to work as a developer – usually the php is composed of distinctive, separate blocks and, although one wouldn’t be able to write the very same code onself, he can – at the very same time – be able to edit less complex parts or at least move them around as he sees it fit. As long as one can think for himself… Yeah, right…

Nevermind, let’s see the site in question: indeed, there’s post content being duplicated above the post itself. Na na na na na na na na Dev Tools! HEAD comes first (no, we haven’t changed the topic to child birth) – no unusual scripts in there, no weird, unknown custom plugins showing up, what the… Ok, nevermind, let’s take a look at the naked BODY (dear pervs: pr0n content will be posted in the PremiumMembers zone in a week or so). And here we go: the slider’s container is the asshole with the duplicated content. Well then, i still have some coffee – my next bastardness seizure is at least ten minutes away, let’s become the “friendly neighbourhood developer” for once. The lass was provided not only with the information where the issue appears, but also with few suggestions about what to do – which would be turning any active plugins off, turning CDN and caching plugin (if present) off, reuploading the theme (could be a single file got corrupted while being originally uploaded)… I honestly thought the issue’s resolved. Call me Captain Wrong…

And why do you ask me (…) to reupload (put_theme_name_here)? Seriously? I might just change theme, I think it might be easier!

Absofuckinlutely no gratitude whatsoever. Who the hell are you, you damn twat!? CEO of I Don’t Like Your Answer Corp. !? If so, call me Chief of Die In A Fire Ltd.! You just told basically everyone that you know nothing about coding. You admitted publically you’re incapable of understanding PHP. In your other bloody thread you’re proving to everyone you’re unable to even use a single max-width to limit your container horizontally. Yet, despite that, you’re ignorant enough to complain about others trying to help you and about how the theme is at fault!? I honestly regret i wasn’t the one answering to that bloated, “i demand it”, moron. I’m affraid my response would ban me instantly from said boards, that’s how much that ignorant child of a goblin and a misguided sheep pissed me off.   Conclusion – people think that everyone can be a developer today. You don’t know what to do with a basic CSS declaration? No worries! Now support boards will give you explicit directions for that, so you could lie to your clients, pretend to know stuff and earn money for being a jerk-off and a fraud!

Now, before starting any project, just like every other logically thinking creature, i’m giving the potential client my rates for particular aspects of the work; putting content onto an existing site is obviously way cheaper than coding a fully custom CMS theme. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not charging €1000 for posting a single entry. I know my skills as a developer and i’m fully aware of how long did it take for me to get to the point i’m now at. It’s not a matter of days, weeks or months. It’s been bloody years and i still don’t know shit, when compared to the world’s leading devs! However, when i accidentally overheard a client once, saying €100 is way too much for’em (for both: custom graphic design AND a custom wordpress template, based on said design), i wanted to simply kill the prick.

Clients these days see a bloody dev-wannabe, charging €25 for a design and another €25 for putting it all together. Does it matter that a flea-bitten cat could design a better layout? Does it matter that a freakin’ roach would make a better job coding the theme? Of course not! The client only sees how much he’ll save on it! That’s exactly why all those bloody i-am-so-dev-i-shit-code assholes are everywhere. Worst case is, clients usualy know nothing ’bout coding, which results in even more jackoffs, claiming to be developers. It’s like calling Internet Explorer a real browser. Ignorants and cheap-fucks will always keep it alive, regardless of its highly limited abillites and even worse functionality. I just hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that it’s not a bloody train…